Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Top Ten Types of People I Hate... plus a bonus

So, I was really determined to be nice and minimize the list of groups I hate to ten. But then I realized I am eternally bitter and couldn't do it. So I added a bonus. I know. Lucky for you, right? So, without further ado...

10. Crazy activists: A good protest is needed every now and then. I'm a fan of reading about hippies and anti-war rallies and all that jazz, because I love when people really embrace free speech and speak their minds without fearing the backlash from society. However, I think it's safe to say that when you blow up abortion clinics or pounds that put dogs and cats down, you just need to stop it. No. Really. Just stop. Now.

9. Those random people who survey you in public: I swear to Christ hanging off the cross, if I go to New York City or Disney World or some other public place again and some random guy in a nondescript polo shirt approaches me and asks, "Can I have a few minutes of your time?" I'm going to punch a baby. Why do people find it necessary to do this? I mean, I get enough survey spam on my computer. Now it's coming at me in the real world?

8. Know-it-alls: You know them. Those people who never take advice or try to learn or think outside the box because, obviously only their ideas or ways to do things are right and you should just shut the fuck up because you clearly have no clue what you're talking about. I think what bothers me the most about know-it-alls is that they're just so damn stubborn. I mean, sometimes they really do know what they're talking about and are decently educated, so I can't get too mad at them. But I still hate them. Hence this mild position of good ol' #8.

7. Condescending people: Ok, so know-it-alls kind of fit in here, but not really. I like to think of condescending people as more arrogant and posh - like the maitre'ds (or however the fuck on God's green earth you spell it) as those five-star Zagat restaurants who look at you weird because your suit jacket was obviously on sale at TJ Maxx. Fuck you, maitre'd.

6. Liars: Let me just start this one by saying that I am not an idiot. I was not born yesterday, and I do have a lick of common sense in me. So WHY on earth would you attempt to lie to me? Like, really. C'mon. Bad liars are the worst because they don't even respect you enough to come up with an at least decent cover story for whatever shit they're swilling. But liars in general suck.

5. Asian tourists: HOLY FUCKING CHRIST ALMIGHTY. I go to NYC. Like, a lot. I live a half hour away. If another Asian tourist comes up to me when I'm in Central Park or walking down Bleecker Street, I'm going to cry. They can almost never speak English and they have the stupidest picture poses and they laugh too much. I hate tourists in general when they're obvious about it, but to me Asian tourists are the worst because they act dumb and then I laugh and they don't get that I'm laughing at them, not with them. And then I feel bad. Damn it.

4. Old lady shoppers: I can't write too much here, because if I do I'll rant and lose my shit all over this post. Anyhow, I used to work at a pharmacy and these women just have so many subcategories. Like, the "how much is this?" lady. Or the "that's supposed to be on sale!" lady. Or the show up with a full cart of stuff and only buy half of it and leave the rest for customer service to put back lady. And that's just to name a few.

3. Stupid, stupid people: I mean, I guess this group kind of swallows everyone else on the list into its gastrointestinal melting pot, but I still feel the need to include them. And I don't mean just average stupid, that I can tolerate. I'm talking dead stopped at a blinking red traffic light like it's eventually going to turn green stupid.

2. Religious fundamentalists: So I've been involved in youth and campus ministry since I was in the sixth grade or so, because I believe in God and I think it'd be supercool if I didn't burn in Hell for not talking about Him in a good way sometimes. But I've always come to face kids and adults in this demographic that think the world really was made in seven days and populated by two people. And that dinosaurs never existed. And that gay people can be cured. Come. The fuck. On.

1. Jehovah's Witnesses: I'm not sure that it's really fair to pick on the JWs when I already have religious fundamentalists on here, but at least most fundamentalists don't go door-to-door practically selling their religion like encyclopedias. Come to think of it, I hate traveling salesmen. And Scientologists, who actually make you pay for religious guidance and such. Eh. They don't make the list. Except for their short mention in this blurb.

BONUS: Parents who ask way too many fucking questions on their kid's college orientations: I just gave a dorm tour today during one such orientation, and one of the fathers in my group asked SO. MANY. GODDAMN. QUESTIONS. And I wouldn't have cared if they were in any way meaningful, but they were like, "Well, can you stack mini fridges on top of each other to save space?" and "Do kids generally alternate the bunk beds by semester so someone has time on both the top and the bottom?" Kill me now.

So, in case you haven't noticed, I am a hostile, cynical individual who has lost faith in much of the human race. Sorry, haha. But, out of curiosity... who do you guys hate?



  1. I used to work at Kmart so I definitely came face-to-face with many of those "ladies". My favorite was always the lady who tried to pull the sales sticker off of one item and casually put it on another. How many times have you sold a microwave for $2? Nice try.

    LOVED the rant btw. Great way to let of steam ;)

  2. lmfao- fucking hater. you need to balance this post with shit you LOVE to make everyone else feel all warm and fuzzy inside! :)