When it comes to describing myself, I've always said that I'm the chihuahua that thinks he's a rottweiler. What I mean is I act tougher than I really am, and will attempt to scare people away with my anger or bitchiness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But I always find myself wondering why it is I do that.
My close friends know my true vulnerability. No matter how tough I act, things get to me and hurt me very easily. A lot of the time, people don't even know I feel slighted, either because I'm overreacting and so don't tell them, or I'm not overreacting but I hide my feelings regardless. The truth is, I've been hurt a lot in the past by people I love, and it's still happening today.
So I guess I act bigger than I am so that I can hurt others before they hurt me. It's textbook bullying insecurity. The fact that I am a cliche makes me gag. Awesome.
I know it's something I need to work on. Being that I'm always helping people or giving them advice, I feel like I'm not allowed to have flaws. That I need to work on them to be perfect.
It gets really tiring sometimes.